They said it was for a good cause. They said it was going to make our families proud. But what they didn’t tell us is that it would be like this. When joining, I knew what the outcomes could be. I knew the consequences that would occur after this was all done and over with. They didn’t tell us what it was like to be on the field. We only had our imagination to help us with that but this…this was unimaginable. It was haunting. Everytime I close my eyes, I can still see the limbs of the people that I called my friends out and about on the front. I can still see all the gore and the pain filled faces of the people injured. At night, I still hear their screams as they’re being fired at.

I wasn’t even supposed to be a part of this whole war, but I couldn’t just sit around on my ass and wait for the news to be heard…whether it was the Allied forces or the Axis powers that won the war. I had to do something, but there wasn’t much a woman could do in the war. Yes, I know, there was actually plenty of things I could have done but I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to do something that was more meaningful… at least to me.

My father died in the Great War. It was also called the War to End All Wars but obviously that didn’t happen because look where we are now, but that’s not the point here. Anyways, I never knew my father…he died in 1918 and my mother was pregnant with me at the time. She told me about all the great things that he had accomplished and told me that as soon as the opportunity arrived to serve his country in a time of need, he jumped at the chance. I wanted to do what my father did…not die of course…but to serve my country in a time of need. I wanted to help people and help save lives. So that’s what I did.

I joined when the opportunity arose. I knew it was coming…with all the disastrous events occurring all around the world…I knew it was bound to happen eventually. I cut my hair short to resemble a man and I bandaged my chest to get it flat. I was also tall for a woman, being 5’10”. I even made my voice deeper and surprisingly, they never suspected a thing. I then went off to camp for the war.

It was now the year 1944. It has been two years since I joined and things haven’t gotten any better. Being a medic for the Army, I have seen an amount of horrors that I will never be able to unsee again.

An operation was going to occur today, June 6, 1944. They called it Operation Neptune…or D-Day. We were going to storm the Normandy Beaches in France in hopes of taking back France from the Nazis. We were going to liberate France…as long as things went to plan. The United States were going to take Omaha and Utah beach, Canada was going to take on Juno, and the British were going to take on Sword and Gold.

I can’t tell if I am nervous or not. Nowadays, it’s difficult to tell whether or not what emotion I am feeling. I think I am nervous but I don’t know how or what to feel. Today, I was going on the front lines . My division was going to Omaha…we were going to be the first ones at that beach. We were the 1st Infantry Division and my father was also a part of this division when it was first founded in 1917.

“You good, pal?” a voice interrupts my thoughts. I glance over at the man and look at him in the eyes. He looks to be around my age. I can read him like a book. The way he fidgets with his M1 Garand, an infantry rifle, you can tell that he is as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs.

“I’m good,” I tell him giving him a nod. The Higgins boat swayed in the ocean as we patiently and anxiously waited for our arrival to France. There was one rough wave that knocked into us which ended up knocking everyone to the right side of the boat and led many to end up on top of each other. As I began to fall into the man that had been talking to me, I grip my sniper and my medical gear tightly. The man helps me steady myself as we continue on.

“You nervous?” I then ask the man and he shrugs slightly.

“A bit..” he says, as he bites his lip and looks out to the ocean.

“I’m Jaimie.” I tell him, trying to get him to relax a little.

“Levi.” he replied, giving me a small smile. I return the favor and look out ahead and notice that there was land up ahead.

“Buckle up boys, we got one hell of a ride ahead of us.” I announce to a part of my division that was in the boat with me. They all turn to look at me and then decided to look out to where I am looking at. It’s France. I have always wanted to go to France, but not this way. I fix the helmet that sits upon my head and get ready for the landing. My helmet had a red cross painted on it to label me as a medic. I was considered to be the best medic and sniper in my division. I take a deep breath and look ahead confidently. Once we got to a certain distance, the Krauts began to shoot at us. The bullets echo throughout the air and we begin to defend ourselves. We needed this operation to work. We needed to win…but that’s the thing…what will happen if we win, how do we win with so much that is lost. We all lose something when we go to war. We lose a piece of ourselves within this…whether or not we are apart of the Axis or the Allies.

People begin to get pegged off one by one like some sort of game. So many lives are going to be lost today. We end up landing and the boat hunkers down when the ramp opens up. We all rush off, well what’s left of us, and we charge towards the shore. Men were going down like flies, like it was nothing…we weren’t getting a dent in. I quickly dive down once I get to the beach near one of those Czech Hedgehogs, a metal x-shaped thing that prevented military vehicles from getting pass it. I swiftly pull my sniper up, trying to take out some of the heavy fire gunners so I can easily take them out. I didn’t particularly like killing people…I don’t think anyone did except the dipshit named Hitler. I don’t understand how can people be so cruel to other people… We’re all the same damn species. It’s quite frustrating, now that I think about it. I can’t bare the thought of killing people…if I really think about it I freeze up and you can’t afford to do that in the middle of a damn war so I try my best not to think about it.

I begin to notice the people around me and the cries for help. I quickly rush over to the nearest injured person and assess the damage. He cries out in pain as he tries to move.

“Don’t move!” I demand and I begin to give him a shot of morphine. He’s going to need another one. His intestines are sprawled out in the sand in a bloody mess, creating a distinctive smell. My hands work quickly, trying to stop the bleeding. Soon enough my hands were coated in blood. “You’re gonna be okay.” I attempt to reassure him but I think he knows as well as me that he is not going to be okay. He looks like a child who is too young for war and too young for this battle. The young boy wails and writhes in pain as he begins to repeat a word over and over and over again. He’s calling for his mother. My heart shatters at the sound as I try to stabilize him but he is soon gone. As I lean over to close his eyes, I notice that his face is covered in his own blood. I would like to do something other than just to leave the boy out there, but there is no time.

It’s as if I am in a nightmare and I just can’t seem to wake up from it. It seems as if it is never ending and all I want to do is wake up…but I know that isn’t going to happen anytime soon.Our operation goes by quick. It was probably because I have started to become numb…numb from all of the fighting. I go around and try to help as many people as I can as soon as possible. Then I see what is left of the German troops. I notice some of the guys from a different infantry that was working with us for the operation at Omaha. They begin to aim their guns at the Krauts, who had their hands up in surrender. The men don’t seem to care so then I finally step in and try to knock some sense into both of the dumbasses heads.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” I shout as I run up to the idiots, “They’re surrendering, not trying to kill you!”

“Do you see how many of our men they killed today?” One of the two men retaliates.

“We don’t stoop down to their level, got that?” I tell the two men irritatedly. I quickly start to tend more of the injured as I go to turn my head to give the two men a pointed look. I begin making my way to the other injured men. I look out to the ocean and it gives me chills. Instead of the blue it normally is…it’s red. The ocean is filled with the blood of my fallen brothers, filled with many who fought bravely and none of them deserved to die.

The day trudges on and even though this was a day of a small victory, it didn’t feel like a victory. It was now nighttime and we were strategizing for the next day. The plan was to take back Bayeux. After we strategize, my division decides to rest for the night to prepare for our siege of Bayeux.

As I lay awake, I can see the stars shining bright in the Normandy sky. I try to close my eyes, but all that happens are flashbacks of what happened today…flashbacks of this whole damned war. It’s like a film, everytime my eyes shut it’s like scenes of a movie is playing.

My thoughts begin to wander off again as I begin to question this whole war. I understand we are fighting for our safety in this world…I really do…but is all the loss that we have to endure worth it? Many who haven’t been in the war will no doubt argue against me…but they haven’t seen the same horrors that we had seen. All the gore…all the pain…all the loss. The war has made me gone numb. It has taught me many lessons as well. But one thing I know for sure…is that I am not scared to die. I have seen so much death within these two years of fighting that death has now become a normal, everyday thing.

I can still hear the screams, I can still hear the bullets, I can still see the blood, I can still feel the pain. I repeat a mantra in my head to try to get rid of all the bad thoughts and prepare for another long day ahead. I am fighting for a good cause. In the end it will all be worth it. But that’s the thing…at what cost will it all be worth it?