- The Essay
He was my first heartbreak. “Dad,” the name given to a parent whose role is to protect, love, nurture, provide for his child, and be his daughter’s “first love.” Everyone has a vision of the perfect family right? A vision with both parents, kids rejoicing with happiness, a nice house with a big yard, and a couple dogs. Not me. My “dad” cheated on my mom, and after months of abuse we left. I was three months old, or at least that’s what my mom told me. I spent the majority of my childhood wishing and praying for a better life. I wished for a life where I had both my parents who loved each other, wishing my mom didn’t meet her now ex boyfriend. Most nights I stayed up wishing I didn’t grow up in a toxic, abusive household. And in fifth grade is when I realized the relationship my mom was in wasn’t normal, that it wasn’t love. My whole childhood I saw girls my age with their dad laughing and playing around, wishing it was me. I just wanted a father figure.
Now I’m a senior in high school and my perspective has changed. I no longer crave that intimacy with my “dad” whom I’ve gotten to know. I used to dream of getting to know him, but after spending time getting to know my “dad,” I now understand the reasons why everyone despises him. Deep down I really want to hate him. Hate him for hurting my mom, not being there, manipulating me, always being drunk or high, starting a new family. I can go on about why I want to but I cannot; hatred is an emotion that I feel somehow I am incapable of displaying toward someone. Unfortunately, growing up in an abusive environment has truly affected my emotional/romantic relationships. I yearn and search for that healthy relationship, but it leads to immature boys who cannot be men. That is the unfair trauma that was forced upon me, and no matter how fast I run, it chases and devours me entirely. I am left with scars that no one will understand, but I have to put on a facade because I can’t show my younger siblings that their sister isn’t okay. I must endure. And I pray every night, hoping that this disease I’m plagued with leaves my body and I will be new. However, I feel like I get no answer which sometimes leaves me questioning, “Is there really a God?”As a Christian I am ashamed.
A word recently I have been obsessed with is “Godspeed,” which according to Oxford, means to wish a person well starting a journey. One thing my “father” has done was help me figure out what I want to do in life, my purpose. From a young age I knew I wanted to be some kind of doctor. I’ve always been told, “You’re so mature for your age,” “ You’re a good listener,” and how I’m good at giving advice. This led me to my decision to be an adolescent psychiatrist. I love studying people, learning behaviors and why everything is the way they are. Generational trauma, negativity passed down through generations, has affected and followed me into adulthood . I believe that if these issues were handled at a young age, maybe I wouldn’t be like this. I think that maybe I wouldn’t let these issues affect my daily life and how I think. After countless months of self-reflection, I’ve learned to let go and let God. I cannot let my past affect me anymore, only let it push me towards my goal. This breath of fresh air is a reminder that I’m not my past and he no longer has control over me. I am free.
The Reflection
When writing a good college essay, there are many important key elements that need to be included for your essay to stand out. Although some colleges don’t use your essay to determine acceptance, there are some who do and this can be nerve-wrecking for many. The most common mistakes that students make include: formatting, grammar, balance, word limit, and being poignant. These simple errors can lead your essay to become bland, unprofessional, and inconspicuous. When my teacher instructed my class to start writing their college essay, I didn’t know where to start or what to write about. He told us not to write a sob story but be vulnerable, which then gave me an idea for my topic; my dad. I wrote about my childhood and how my upbringing has led me to pursue a career in psychology.
During my essay, I found myself struggling with balancing. I felt like I put too much detail at the beginning of my essay and didn’t have enough towards the end. Many nights I stayed up rereading my essay countless times feeling lost because I was also concerned about staying below the word count. After receiving feedback from my teacher, all I had to do was condense my thoughts and edit the beginning of my essay which freed up space to go more in depth at the end. Another issue I struggled with was being poignant, I didn’t want my essay to be a sob story but I also didn’t want it to be ordinary. I remember my teacher, Mr.Denvir, giving the whole class tips on how to write a good college essay and the one tip that stuck with me was: reveal your core values. Your essay shouldn’t and doesn’t need to be sad, it needs to be you.
Honestly, the hardest part of my essay was trying to figure out what to write about and how to reveal myself through my essay. Writing this essay made me dive into myself and sit down to reflect on my childhood, school, friends, and many other aspects of my life. Along with revealing yourself and being poignant, other tips that stuck with me during this writing process were: answer the prompt, don’t be repetitive, be persistent in your writing, proofread, and don’t be afraid to ask for help. Remember that your college essay won’t be the main factor that gets you accepted into college, but it still needs to be professional, detailed, and precise. It’s okay to be vulnerable, be yourself and everything will turn out fine.
