Every single day I find myself at “school” for almost an entire 12 hours, and some days even more. I spend the first 7 of these 12 hours sitting at a desk, and hours go by as I’m in front of a computer with college-level classes all day long. I can’t pay attention in class until what seems like the end of the third block, even after I have had caffeine, but I have grades to maintain. There are no excuses.
The moment the bell goes off, I rush to my car and get to practice, where I find myself for the next 3 hours at least. I get home around 6 most nights, just shy of 40 minutes of an entire 12 hours away from home. I typically have at least 2 hours of homework or studying at night. I go participate in my family and do my chores. I’ll text my best friend, whom I just spent 3 hours with at practice. I typically don’t eat a huge dinner due to a lack of appetite. I shower, and then I go to bed most nights around 10:30.
I then find myself up at 5:00 the next morning to do it all over again. I’m pretty tired and often want to just stay in bed, but I don’t. There are no excuses. I continue my cyclic lifestyle of just waiting until Friday. Except I spent all night waking up periodically. I rarely sleep the entire night. I don’t have an appetite when I wake up. I drink an energy drink first thing in the morning. I repack my bags and get in the car. I realize I forgot to do one of my assignments from the night before. I end up doing it in my first block. I do my work from my first block during lunch. There are no excuses.
The bell rings and I rush to my car. I don’t say bye to any of my friends. I have to get to the back of the building before the buses leave or I will be late for practice. There are no excuses. I change and put my phone up for practice, where I will find myself for the next several hours.
Three hours go by and I return to my phone to see a “How was practice?” text. I think for a second. I didn’t play well today. I was making simple mistakes. I was getting in my head. Yet I have been putting in extra practice lately too. It feels like a waste. But I have to have mental toughness. I replied “It was good. How was yours?” I drive home and open the response to my message. I read off: “I played well but there’s so much tension and drama on our team and it’s exhausting. I can’t talk to my coach about it though. I don’t want to be perceived as weak.” I sigh and respond, “I’m sorry. I know that’s no fun.”
I sit on my bed and open my Chromebook to check my grades. I’m falling behind in school and somehow in my favorite class. It’s only 6:30 and I want to call my best friend, but I must do my homework. There are no excuses. I keep getting distracted. I struggle to focus. All my mind turns to is how practice went. I’m anxious that I’m falling into a slump. I’m torn between doing my homework or going to put extra practice in. My best friend calls, and she’s falling behind too, but she has to go to work. How is she balancing a job, academics, and sports? I have no excuses.
I do my homework and begin my night routine. I go talk to my parents and siblings. I take my melatonin to hopefully get better sleep. I brush my teeth. I head to bed. I lay awake for 30 extra minutes just thinking. What if I quit? What if I played a different sport? I need to get a job soon. Did I do my missing assignment? There are no excuses.
Mental health in student-athletes needs to be more openly discussed. Student-athletes are shown to be prone to higher levels of negative emotional states. It is crucial that, seasonally, schools begin addressing the importance of student-athlete mental health.
