Below, in one location for your conveniance, are all stories from the April Fools’ issue of The Roaring Gazette. Thanks for reading!

Frozen Pool on the Roof Forces Curriculum Change by Kayla Smith and Cassidy O’Neal

Due to the freezing temperatures of March, all semester swim classes have been altered to fit an ice skating curriculum for the students of Mrs. Dogz.

The pool on the roof is a block of solid ice due to the temperature drop that could give you chills…literally. For some reason, this spring, which is supposed to bring you warm weather, has seen sweeping negative degrees taking over Virginia Beach.

“Earlier on in the week, we had raging warm temperatures out of the roof. But then the next morning when I awoke, I was nearly stuck to my blanket from the overnight freeze,” said Mrs. Dogz, Senior Physical Education teacher here at Tallwood High School.

The school was not aware of this outrageous incident until Mrs. Dogz’s class walked up in their swimsuits not expecting to see this cool sight. Due to this issue, Dr. Parabola and Mrs. Dogz decided to just simply change the curriculum from Swimming to Ice Skating.

“I’ve never thought that I would have so much fun in P.E. We usually end up doing the same routine of butterfly and breast strokes, but now I can work on my signature ‘camel spin’ move for my Disney on Ice routine,” said Sunny Mae, JV Basketball player.

Even some of our Varsity Football players are getting in on the action of figure skating techniques.
Mr. Rybon Michelle, Varsity Football coach, says, “I’m glad to see some of my players working on their agility and flexibility off the field. One of our best defensive tackles, Blanchard Bluffin, has been working on his layback spin.”

Both coaches and teachers are seeing the advantages of having an ice rink as opposed to a community pool. Not only is this ice skating improving athletic skills, but also academic skills.
“Typically, I have to place plastic on my seats to keep them from getting wet when my students return from gym class, but now I just have to crank up the heat so they can dethaw.” says Mr. Colorado, English and Journalism teacher at Tallwood High School.

Mr. Colorado then proceeded to say, “They also keep the information in their head better because what they learned doesn’t fall out with the water when they are drying off coming out of the pool.”

Needless to say, Tallwood’s pool on the roof is now a legendary third floor ice rink. Students better prepare to put down the swimsuits and sunscreen and pick up the gloves and heavy coats.

Dolphin-Related Senior Prank Closes Pool on the Roof by Ariana Hernandez and Elena Day

Has this year’s senior prank gone too far?

This past Friday, teachers arrived at the school pool to see dolphins and various other aquatic life lounging in the water. Teachers were originally supposed to swim laps to raise money for new band equipment, but the pranking Seniors had a different idea.

“We come out of the elevator to see water splashing everywhere and dolphins chittering like nothing was wrong,” said Mr. Flowman, a Math teacher at THS.

Students who have class on the second floor heard sloshing and the sounds of helicopter blades for about an hour before it stopped.

“We called a helicopter rental, and they agreed to help us, as long as we had consent from the Superintendent,” said Layla Myth, a Senior at Tallwood.

Don’t worry, all of the aquatic life made it back to their homes safely and were not injured in the process.

For all the seniors involved in the prank, Dr. Parabola will hold a class meeting discussing their punishment next Wednesday.

“I’m not too worried about the penalty; it was definitely worth it,” said Clearance Sandles, Tallwood Senior.

Meet a Lion: Jonathan Hart, Pool Man by Ophelia Reid and Kaylyn Neves

“The first day on the job wasn’t too great,” says Jonathan Hart, official pool-on-the-roof cleaner for Tallwood High School.

The idea to apply for the job was first mentioned after his sister, Ellen Hart, and he traveled from Georgia a few years ago. The pool had just been built couple years before, and Jonathan Hart, Pool Man, needed a job.

“It was a perfect job! I had some experience cleaning pools while back in Georgia,” exclaims Jonathan Hart, Pool Man. He had a passion for swimming as a kid but grew out of it as he grew older. He explained he still had love for the water, just not so much swimming.

A built in ladder sits on the side of the school for easy access.

“I can’t express enough how much effort I put in to climbing the ladder,” states Jonathan Hart, Pool Man.

The routine he goes through is pretty simple. During the winter, the pool is closed due to it being cold, and, in the summer, Jonathan Hart’s job is to take a net to the water and get any crud out of it.

“I even fell in it once from losing my balance,” says Jonathan Hart, Pool Man.

Few students know about this pool, but rumors abound.

“Hey freshie, have you heard about the pool on the roof?” Olivia Reid, a Senior at Tallwood asks.
“Stop lying to the kid, you know we don’t have a pool!” says her friend Tyler Howell, also a Senior at Tallwood. Though this exchange is heard numerous times throughout the year, the pool is in fact real.
Jonathan Hart, Pool Man, has given his time for over a year to help our school keep the pool clean. His service is greatly appreciated by numerous staff members.

“I hope to continue being the official pool person for this school,” Jonathan Hart, Pool Man, states.
Summer is quickly approaching, and if the pool is visited at the right moment, you may just catch Jonathan Hart, Pool Man, doing his normal routine.

Varsity Aquajogging Team Predicts Successful, Enlightening Season by Richard Ruffin and Tyler Dennis

The Varsity Aquajogging team will have their first practice on April 2nd, 2017 at the pool on top of Tallwood High School, and they will be practicing Monday, Wednesday, and Friday every week.

They will probably participate in Track-like activities such as aqua high jump, aqua long jump, aqua hurdles, and aqua triple jump. The team will compete against schools in our district and will hold a competition after two placement matches. The team has high hopes for the season.

“This means a lot to us. Not many of us know what Aquajogging is, and we’re really hoping to find out what exactly we have to do,” said Ryan Brucher, star hurdler and Senior at Tallwood High School. “We plan to take first place this season, after learning what Aquajogging means, of course.”

The team will undergo vigorous exercises and conditioning to boost endurance in the pool. Coach Adam Sallinger, professional lifeguard, stresses physical and mental stamina in and out of the pool.

“The team must be in the game, mentally and physically. That means, when they aren’t in the pool, they’re doing good in school, good at home, and are being overall good people. In the pool, we want 120%, more than 110%. One exercise I personally love is running in the pool. I think that’s what Aquajogging means. To condition them, we strap weight vests to them and have them hurdle. This will give them an edge when they do hurdle in competitive matches,” Sallinger said. “I mean, that makes the most sense, right?”

The team most importantly wants to have fun. They hope to have a friendly competition and inspire others to follow their dreams.

“At the end of the day, we all do this because we have a love for the water. We hope to spread this love to others, and encourage them to follow their hopes and dreams. I think,” Brucher said.

“Our team will do amazing because we have the most spirit. Right now, the players all have their toes dipped in the pool of improvement. I’m here to push them in. They won’t let me down, and I won’t let them down. Unless I am supposed to let them down. I really don’t know.”

Let’s just hope they fare better than the competitive Breath-Holding team, who finished their season 3-10.

“Pool on the Roof: The Musical” Dazzles by Charles Romano and Austin Luciani

“Pool On The Roof: The Musical” generally is a splash, with it’s dynamic and aquatic theme. Your money will not go down the drain if spent in this. Dive into the fantastic music and songs. It won’t be a flop, as the production is going swimmingly. Tallwood Dolpihnitely made an excellent choice spending money on this musical.

With it’s dramatic story and moody atmosphere, “Pool On The Roof: The Musical” will keep you engaged and entertained with its characters and constantly twisting plot.

The story follows Philip Chaplin and his best friends–Dana “Dab” Daggertooth and Paulie Marano–as they begin their first year as Tallwood Freshman, only to hear the rumors about the supposed pool. The three unintentionally, with the help of a wizened custodian, discover that there actually is a pool on the roof of Tallwood High School. They soon find out that it’s scheduled for demolishment, so the four defend the pool from being destroyed.

From the “Pool On The Roof: The Musical” soundtrack, “Under the Pool” rivals the hit single “Under the Sea” from The Little Mermaid, with it’s wonderfully sounding base and tune. The two almost sound alike. In fact, it’s almost like the same exact song with only one word changed.

Overall, “Pool On The Roof: The Musical” was quite the delight to watch; while I can’t guarantee a sequel, this little musical was wonderful while it lasted.

Pool on the Roof Expensive, Dangerous by Marissa Howell and Dave Nimer

Water. Water everywhere. That’s what will happen if the pool on the roof collapses into the school.

This monstrous waste of funding is not only hazardous to the school’s overall structure, but also to the health of the students. Norovirus is a common denizen of public pools, and it can lead to easy spreading of the sickness.

Instead of using the money left over from past class budgets to get more buses or even expand the cafeteria further, why did Tallwood decide to build an Olympic sized swimming pool on the roof?
The idea sprung from the complaints of the swim team about sharing the rec center, and that of a recent school petition for an Aquajogging team (whatever that is).

The staff of Tallwood has clearly lost their mind in building a pool on the roof, especially considering that the newly removed portables have left an empty lot. Why couldn’t it have gone there?

Some may say having a pool on the roof would be cool, since nobody else has a pool on the roof of their school. However, it is a very bad idea. We still have to think about the consequences about having a pool on the roof. People can get seriously hurt, sick, or some might even drown. There are just too many risks to having a pool on the roof.

So let’s get rid of the pool on the roof. We’re the Lions, not the SEAlions.